Wednesday, August 15, 2007

A Naive Band Geek's Sex Education

I was admittedly naive during most of my youth, and well into my twenties. I chalk this up to a combination of being an "innocent little Japanese boy," and being raised Protestant Christian. I was nauseatingly goody-goody.

I used to think that 'oral sex' meant talking dirty. I had figured that one out on my own. When I had found out how babies were made, my theory was that twins were the result of having had sexual intercourse two consecutive times. And THAT meant that people who had triplets or quadruplets and so forth were just extra horny, dirty, nasty people!

Fortunately, I had started getting most of my sex education when I first joined the high school marching band. While changing into band uniforms with the other male band geeks before a football game, I heard someone mention "B.A." It was something I had heard before, but I didn't know what it meant. All I knew was that it had nothing to do with a Bachelor's degree.
"Excuse me, but this little, innocent Japanese boy wants to know what a B.A. is." I was among my fellow trumpet and brass players, so it was safe to ask.
Our drum major, Don, answered for me by turning around and dropping the trousers of our fetching gold-and-black-trim band uniform, right there in front of us, in the cramped practice room.
Don was a tall, blonde, Nordic type and very hairy. Everywhere. This was an image that has stayed in my mind for more than twenty-five years, one I will never forget.

Next to Don's senior picture in the school yearbook, under "Ambition," was the word 'welder.' Somehow, that has helped to imbed the image of Don's B.A. in my mind.


Prince Gomolvilas said...

So hawt that I spelled it "hawt."

Peter Varvel said...

Too hot to even wear my hot pants!