Sunday, August 26, 2007

Grateful and Guilty?

I live in a dream world. My 'Simple Kind of Life' is good, and I almost feel guilty about it, sometimes.

Perspective is a funny thing, funny in that it is strange, mostly because it is so relative.

I met with two good friends this week. One has recently started dealing with an eating disorder. The other had dealt with cancer recently, and several resulting surgeries.
And the list goes on, as I'm sure it does for most people, if not in their own lives, then in their closest satellite relationships.
Someone close to me has been dealing with infertility. Another close friend is sandwiched between a young child with frightening health problems and an ailing step-parent.

And what problems do I complain about? I have to let go of my '94 Saturn because it has gone beyond piece-of-crap status. I don't know how much longer my scooter will hold out, and then--gasp!--I might have to ride the bus to work and back.

In other words, I have no right to complain.

About anything.

So, this is my prayer, and it has been for quite some time, now:

God, please help me not to waste my space on this planet. Please help me to be of some use to others, in realistic ways, both tangible and intangible.

Many people have been very kind to me, my entire life. I don't always remember that, especially when I'm wasting time feeling sorry for myself. I try to practice remembering more often, because it helps me to be kind to other people.

"Life is not fair. But sometimes, life is not fair in your favor."
~ Peter Varvel


golfwidow said...

I so feel that "grateful-guilt" thing. I hate feeling like whining when my life is good in comparison to others'. Even though my rational mind tells me that it's human nature and I allow for it in my friends, I still persist in forcing myself to snap the hell out of it.

Peter Varvel said...

Yeah, is it easier, sometimes, to give others a break, than it is to give ourselves a break?

I think I'm pretty easy on myself, most of the time . . .

How does the "grateful-guilt thang" weigh in on the "the freedom of being single vs. wish-I-had-a-S.0." conflict for you?

golfwidow said...

My single friends keep telling me, "You are so lucky not to have to be out there dating, lonely, dealing with headgames --" et cetera.

My husband infuriates me as no one else can, and we never have any money.

(I always used to say "I'd rather be with a happy man than a rich man," but honestly, he didn't have to be so happy.)

Is this better than being alone? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Just like being alone was sometimes better than being married, and sometimes it wasn't.

The only advantage I think I have over my single friends is the fact that I can see both sides of the argument and they can't.

Peter Varvel said...

Yep. It ain't always perfect.

GW, are you the author of GMTO?
If so, I look forward to owning a copy. And unlike our friend, Prince, I actually take the time to read through books.

However, I don't have the illustrious career that he does to dominate my hours!

golfwidow said...

Why, yes, I am the author of GMTO.

Prince should read it, anyway. It's not a novel. It's not even fiction except for two short stories and the bit about my being lusted after by David Hasselhoff.

(Okay, there is no mention of David Hasselhoff anywhere in my book. Which is as it should be.)

Peter Varvel said...

I can't wait to read it!

I can appreciate the well-seasoned man meat of DH!

Quin said...

my outlook on life is this:

if i wake up, and the dog isn't eating some part of me, it's a good day.