Thursday, August 30, 2007

Love and/or Sex


The following is based on actual conversations.

Peter: Do you want to get married?

Kathy: No, not right now.

P: No, I don't mean right now, I mean eventually. Ever. Do you ever want to get married?

K: To you?

P: Yeah, why not?

K: (giggly, sheepish) Well . . . What about your physical attraction to men?

P: I'm thinking that if I can give up men, then you'd be doing almost the same thing if you married me.

K: What about sex?

P: Well, if you talk to married couples , those who have been together a long time, sex always seems to become nonexistent anyway. So I'm thinking, why don't we get married and just skip to that part?

K: (laughing) I am not giving up sex! I'm only 23, and I haven't had that much sex yet, to begin with.

P: So, we wait until we're older, when sex becomes less of a priority, and we get married so that we can always be together.

K: I'm not saying that I live for sex. I just think that marriage makes sex important, makes it substantial. Do you know what I'm trying to say?

P: Yeah, I think I do. Most people have it the other way around, thinking that sex makes marriage important. I would never confuse it that way with you.

K: Could you . . . Could you feel for a woman? Get everything in proper working order for what's considered . . . regular marital relations?

P: I definitely want to have kids, so I've thought about it a lot. Yeah, I think I could.

K: Why don't we consummate our love right now? Come on!

P: (laughing, nervous) Because I'm not ready yet!

K: Kiss me.

Peter looks at her

K: Kiss me. You don't have to do me. Just kiss me.

7 comments:

Prince Gomolvilas said...

This is like a horror movie!

Peter Varvel said...

Whore movie?

golfwidow said...

It's like Object of My Affection, except that that movie had way too much Jennifer Aniston and not enough Paul Rudd.

Peter Varvel said...

Amen!

Quin said...

my mawmaw told me you could get pregnant from toilet seats.

let's see what happens!

Peter Varvel said...

Ellen Degeneres says that's what those safety bars in the public bathroom stalls are for, so that you can balance yourself and hover safely over the toilet without actually making any contact.

Did your MawMaw also warn you to put a telephone book on a boy's lap before sitting on it?
Mine didn't.

Quin said...

no, but, she told me a man raked a girl, then killed her.

for years, i wondered if he used a leaf or a garden rake.