Sunday, November 16, 2008
From the journal of Peter Varvel, August 5, 1987:
Kind of psychologically revealing, huh? The preceding story . . . nah. The friends that I've shown it to are worried about me, as if it's my way of reaching out for help. I'm fine. I've already made the conscious decision not to commit suicide, mostly because I'm such a coward about pain.
No, I think the tragic ending to the story symbolizes my anger and frustration that has been building up again, lately. I think I made the ending abrupt because I have been feeling like I'm going to do something rash, something hasty, I'm going so crazy.
I think I've been under spiritual attack, lately. So many guys around me look so good. And I'm craving physical contact. Is it because I'm trying to get closer to God?
Dear Friends and Faithful Readers of 2008,
Thanks for the responses and comments. And for your concern. I am okay! More than okay. I am alive and well, still, twenty-one years later, and very happy. Sometimes I feel like I am the Luckiest Guy in the World! I have much to be thankful for (click here), on a daily basis.
I'd like to point out that because I did get into a safe place, emotionally - eventually - it has been safe to dig up some of the pain from the past and exploit it for your reading pleasure.
I am currently living my happily-ever-after, and trying to remember not to take it for granted.