Thursday, April 3, 2008
Okay, so here's how justification works (in my mind, at least).
I am disappointed that I didn't get cast in Pippin, after having been invited to audition and doing quite well with the dance combination (again, in my mind, at least), no matter how out of shape I may be, vocally.
But I am also relieved.
Really, this aging chorus girl is just too damn tired to be kicking up her heels in rehearsals and performances every night, especially after an eight hour work day, just to have to get up early in the morning to do it all over again, day after day.
Just because you still have the ability to do something doesn't mean you should still do it. It's waaay too early in life for me still, to risk breaking a hip, yet.
Noël Alumit says maybe the universe is telling me to continue writing my book. I think he's right. At least, I have to believe that as sort of a consolation prize.
So, back to the justification part. If I was so willing to be up late in rehearsal every night and on weekends, despite how desperately exhausted it would have made me feel during the work day, then I should be just as willing to invest the same time and effort into completing my first Young Adult novel (and not continue to watch the same repeats of "Will & Grace" over and over, every night).
But I should be more than 'just as' willing. The pros of attempting regular writing habits, versus the rather pathetic effort of trying to keep up with twenty-something dancers, include being able to make that attempt from the comfort of my own home. There is less travel time involved and therefore, fewer hours of sleep lost. Another benefit is that Domestic Partner does not feel as neglected when I am still in the house, night after night, even if I am in another room. I do not have to subject him once again to becoming the Performer's Widower (not this year, anyway).
My life is not hard, as I have mentioned in this blog before. On most days, it is as simple as merely being grateful for getting home in one piece, yet again, on my scooter ride home from work. My job is not hard, either. There is almost zero stress involved. And as I keep saying, I need to take advantage of the fact that my day job leaves me with enough energy at the end of the day to work on other goals and pursue other interests.
I am convinced that I have not already performed in my last gig, yet. I know that I will get the chance to perform in another show, eventually, when the timing is right and other factors are all in place.
But for now, as far as my writing is concerned, more action and less talk is the self-imposed mandate for this life-time procastinator. Feel free to hold me accountable to that, if you are so inclined.