Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Twelve Year Itch


Domestic Partner and I have been together twelve years, now, this month.
I am very happy about that, but we didn't do anything special to celebrate.
I can be too sentimental for my own good. DP is not. He is a good counterbalance for me.

I remember the exact date we met. DP does not. Recently, he asked if we had been together - what? Six years? Nine years? It doesn't bother me. I'm used to it. And he almost never remembers which month my birthday occurs in, although he does acknowledge it every year. He never wants any fuss or big fanfare for his birthday, either. He is practical, pragmatic, and introverted. He is a big ole fuddy-duddy, sometimes. A lot of times. Most of the time.

And he is my stability.

We are so different, and people always wonder why we are still together.

For one, the emotional drama between us is extremely minimal. DP was surprised to hear me say this. He doesn't agree. I told him that it is minimal compared to what I grew up with in my family. I do not take for granted the peaceful home life I have with him. I don't have to walk around on eggshells with my Domestic Partner.

And we adore our pets. It may be about the only thing we truly have in common, but we are ridiculous when it comes to spoiling our pets. We both get the same delight and daily joy out of our animals. He gets a bit more impatient with our dogs than I do, and he'll yell an exasperated "Stop it!" when they get too rambunctious. But that's as bad as his temper gets.

I realized last week that I am lucky to be with someone who is kind to animals. Even if we have nothing else in common, that one fact alone speaks volumes about a person.

And I feel lucky that he still wants me around. It is easy for others to get the impression that he is too needy because he feels neglected if I am out too much at night and on the weekends. He hated being the "Performer's Widower."
A divorced friend recently commented on how nice it was that I have someone who still wants me to be home, especially after more than a decade together.

Maybe I need someone who needs me around.

Domestic Partner and I have no plans to marry each other. In the current controversial climate of Proposition 8, in California, we support same-sex marriage as a civil rights issue. But for us, all is fine and peaceful the way things are between us. What we have certainly isn't perfect, but neither is it broken to the point to need that kind of fixing.

If I continue to be lucky, we'll be together for another twelve years and beyond.

8 comments:

Sunshine said...

Many many congratulations on your anniversary! So very happy you have someone to share your life with and each year is such a gift. If you do chose to marry, can I be a bridesmaid???? Pretty please???

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

This is such a beautiful post. I am so happy that you found someone for yourself and that you are happy with him. Congrats Peter, you deserve all the happiness in the world.

Also please note that this post has made me feel all kinds on inadequate seeing that my LONGEST relationship lasted for only 9 months. Yeah. I know.

But wow, 12 years. Congrats again =D

Mike Valentino said...

You had me by the heartstrings up until "that kind of fixing". What does that mean?

Prince Gomolvilas said...

Mike has a heart that beats for gay love stories?

Peter, congrats.

Peter Varvel said...

S, *YOU* would get to be my wedding coordinator, if you wish, right down to picking the exact shade of purple/lavender/lilac for the bridesmaid dresses, LOL.

TCDO, do NOT feel inadequate. Instead, revel in your youth. I didn't meet DP until I was 30.
Yeah, I'M OLD.

MV, call me lucky; call me more-than-my-fair-share-of-blessed.
And call me bitter and jaded about marriage, at least in the Varvel family . . .

PG, thanks. Let Mike's heart beat for the story of you and Loren, next!

Cheryl said...

Twelve years is its own testimony to the perfection of imperfect relationships (I think it's the people who expect smooth sailing all the way who are more likely to break up). And thanks for the reminder that Prop. 8 or no Prop. 8, love is what matters most and what can't be taken away.

SleepingBeauty said...

Awww... This post touched me...

Happy anniversary Peter. :)

Kevin said...

Poor animals...you must be screwing the animals upside down, inside out ....The poor poor children in your neighbourhood.