Saturday, November 24, 2007

Family Skeletons, Barely There


The emotional drama in my family is between minimal to non-existent, more so since my parents have been divorced. Holiday gatherings for our family are not the ticking time bombs of pent-up feelings and held-in resentment just waiting to explode, as it may be for some families. The pleasant attitudes among my family may not always be completely genuine, but we get along peacefully, and for that I am grateful.

I don't send out Christmas cards, ever. I have nothing against that tradition, I've just never started, and I don't ever intend to. It's one less thing to worry about, and every year I save on the cost of stamps and stationery. So, needless to say, I don't even write out an annual recap newsletter.

My mom, however, has continued the annual family newsletter on her own, after the divorce. She has my sister proofread it before making copies of the final draft. This year, my sister emailed the rough draft of the letter to her siblings, to see if there was anything we wanted to add or omit, in our respective blurbs.

I took two seconds to speed through mine:

Dear friends and family,
Christmas 2007

Celebrating the birth of our Lord, the Savior, the prince of peace, and
the King of kings

Peter continues to enjoy working at the Los Angeles Recording School in
Hollywood admitting students from all over the country. He commutes
on his motorcycle on freeway. We are thankful for the Lord's
protection from any harm.


I emailed my sister back: Mine's okay.

She responded: Don't you want to include any trips you and Domestic Partner have taken together, or any details about new animals you two have adopted? I took a few more seconds to ponder that.

It would be nice if my mother chose on her own to include Domestic Partner. She includes the names of my siblings' spouses (when they are married), and those of any grandchildren. No, DP and I are not legally married, but we've been together longer than any of the respective four marriages among my three siblings. He is always welcome at any of our family get-togethers, for holidays and birthday celebrations, so there is no conflict there, even.

Ya gotta pick your battles. Was this worth getting upset over? Was this worth making a fuss about and bringing to my mom's attention?

I thought about it some more and emailed my sister back: Most of the recipients of this newsletter will be Mom's Christian friends, so I can understand her not wanting to highlight her son's homosexual relationship.

I personally know some of Mom's Christian friends, but many I have never met. In the end, what do I care whether or not they know what I've been up to? It doesn't change or take away anything that's really important in my life. And besides, Domestic Partner himself does not care, either way. He's just not that emotionally invested.

Was that too wishy-washy of a response?

Nah. It's trivial enough. If I really cared, I would get up off of my lazy ass and write my own damned newsletter to let people know how 2007 was for Domestic Partner and Peter Varvel.

I have too much to look forward to and work toward, in 2008, to waste any negative energy on this.

Next!

4 comments:

Quin said...

next year, there will be a photo of you and i and our joint dp spending our winnings from the amazing race.

with that said... sometimes, parents made their own battle choice, a nictitating membrane in place, looking to others for the acceptance that is there from our own.

sometimes, as humans we do the same.

with that said...

again, next year... we'll be rockin' a christmas card letter. i'm thinking...hawaii.

Jason Phoon said...

perhaps the slight discomfort you have is the nagging feeling that your mom might not approve of domestic partner ? enough to include in the newsletter ?

well, good on you that you can not let it bother you that much ...

Brenda said...

Amen Peter. Good for you:)

Prince Gomolvilas said...

"He commutes on his motorcycle on freeway."

That's not a motorcycle! It's a girly moped!