I Hate This

I hate this. I hate not being able to continue nursing my addiction to facebook and reading blogs. During work hours.

Play time is over. The suffering and insufferable economy that continues to cripple our nation has forced many work places to reexamine every possible facet for improving efficiency, including the amount of Internet surfing.

For me, that means barely checking my personal email anymore. And I don't dare to even tune in to my daily dose of Dear Abby. Not while I'm at work.

I have to keep focusing on the fact that I am employed at all, and without a cut in pay.

But I still hate it. And I miss you. I miss reading your blogs, your wonderful, funny, and inspiring blogs.

Can I read them at night? Sure. But I can't do it all. I cannot also keep up with facebook on a daily basis, and continue working on the first novel, and do a little bit of reading, etc., especially while in rehearsal still, for the 99 Cents show.

I cannot do it all, and I have never been a person who has wanted to do it all.

So I will have to continue to work on achieving moderation, continue looking for that happy medium and healthy balance for all areas of my life.

Hopefully, I will be able to adjust to writing shorter blog posts. Hopefully, I will continue to work on my young adult novel just a little bit at a time, on a regular and consistent basis.

And hopefully, you do not feel ignored by me to the point that I lose both you and your interest.

I would hate that.

Junkie Lite

Here's how I can tell I'm getting old - the fact that I want to describe to you the number and type of pills I now pop.

At length.

Every day I take a multi-vitamin first thing when I wake up, either with a glass of water or a mug of slightly microwaved chocolate soy milk.

After eating breakfast I take a glucosamine-chondroitin capsule with my coffee, mostly for my knees.

At work I have started taking a Mega-T green tea weight loss pill, because you know, the reunion in England this spring. With dancers.

I will try to wait another hour or more before taking two Advil Liqui-gels at my desk, if I need it. Fortunately, I don't usually need it. Tylenol's acetaminophen just doesn't do the job for me anymore.

I have a second Mega-T green tea weight loss pill in the afternoon. Yay, guarana power!

Dinner is consumed with a second glucosamine-chondroitin pill. Damn jogging days of yore . . .

I wait until right before bed time to take any additional Advil Liqui-gels, if I'm still battling cold symptoms and/or feeling any achey muscles. I swear it helps me sleep better, and I'm talking about the regular Advil, not the PM stuff.

On weekends, I still pop five capsules of creatine monohydrate before a workout with weights. Domestic Partner thinks that I will be paying the consequences later, for the long term use of this Red-Bull-in-pill-form.

What pills do you pop?

Seven Weeks

First of all, to those of you on my regular blog reading list, I apologize for being so MIA.

I was going to write a post about how facebook has become a full-fledged addiction, and how it has all but replaced my former time-burglar addiction of blog reading.

Less than seven weeks. I have less than seven weeks for a show to take over my life. First, three weeks of rehearsals for the 99¢ Only Calendar Girl Competition, and then four weekends of performances next month. Less than seven weeks of my life to devote to this sugar-sweet confection of a show.

That is really a small chunk of time to sacrifice other activities - and people - in my life.

Temporarily.

And it will test my wannabe perfectionist tendencies a little, or at least irk them.

Day Job. Rehearsals. Learning lyrics, harmonies, and choreography, and practicing them on my own. Facebook (I can't resist). Take care of the dogs and cat. And hamsters. Give time and attention to Domestic Partner. Squeeze in housework when I can.

Write another paltry submission for the next writers group meeting. I feel as if I have to, somehow.

Exercise? Mmm, probably not.

So much for being perfect. But so far, I love my life this year.

Read friends' blogs? Write more blog entries? Maybe. I hope so.

And reading, even if only for a few minutes at a time, while in the loo and right before I go to sleep.

Seven weeks from tonight I will have just finished the last performance of this run.

And then, on to England in early April! I definitely love my life this year.

(P.S. a few of the original Calendar Girls from the show are in the photo above - note how their dresses are made entirely from materials sold in the 99¢ Only Stores!)

Something Special

I get to be in a show again! I am a replacement singer for the second extension of Ken Roht's 99¢ Only Calendar Girl Competition, at the Bootleg Theater.

And I have Quin and Prince to thank for it!

Quin had won one of the many infamous contests over at Bamboo Nation, and she had shared her winnings with me last December - two tickets to this fabulous show! I was so enchanted with the performance that I walked up to the director during intermission and asked him if I could submit myself, should the show need any understudies.

How to describe the show? Without going into too much detail (and there is a lot of that!), it was worth attending a performance just to see all of the props and costumes made completely out of items from the 99¢ Only Stores, especially the beauty constestants' dresses.

And the cast was impressively talented. The show itself is all completely original material, including the songs. In addition to the contestants, there is also a small group of male gogo MC's, fully clothed. With their thrift-store wigs (also bought at the 99¢ Only Store, perhaps?) and striped costumes, they reminded me of very bizarre dancing Oompa-loompas, if that's not too redundant. I was very jealous, and I wanted to be one of them.

I was jealous not to be part of this production. So, how thrilled am I that I now have the chance to do so, for four glorious weekends this March?!

I have not performed in a full scale show for over four years. I am rusty as a performer, both vocally and with my dance technique. But I wasn't worried about that when auditioning for this show. Even though the 99¢ Only Calendar Girl Competition is hysterically funny with some solid touching moments, there is so much beyond what is seen and heard on the surface.

Without getting too sentimental, I knew instinctively that this was one of those productions that takes a lot of heart, for all involved. I felt that auditioning for it was beyond just being a good dancer or a well-trained singer. Before I even join a first rehearsal, I have the strong impression that performing in this show will require digging around for the best of myself, and even the worst of myself, and a willingness to be open and raw about that as a performer.

And I look forward to it.

Thanks, Quin and Prince! Thanks for fitting a small and wondrous portion of universal synergy into my little plastic bubble world!

The Daughter Who Was Wanted

My cousin and her husband became brand new parents right around New Year's, last month. They adopted a precious and beautiful baby girl whom I'll refer to as "Lily."

I got to meet Lily for the first time at her baby shower this past weekend, right after she turned four weeks old. She was so peaceful and well behaved! My cousin semi-joked she was glad that that was my first impression of Lily, so that I might be more willing to babysit in the future.

Lily is biracial like me. At a little over four weeks old she is already displaying a Halle Berry perfection in her physical features, with her medium toned complexion and soft black hair.

And what I really want to say - the elephant in the room that no one seemed to talk about at the shower - is how happy I am and grateful, even, that my cousin and her husband were willing to welcome a child of color into their home and their hearts.

Are children of color harder to place for adoption? I don't know. I didn't ask, mostly because it doesn't matter. Or it shouldn't. My cousin and I are close and I am comfortable asking her these kinds of questions.

My cousin has blonde hair and blue eyes. She grew up with four very Japanese looking cousins, my siblings and me. When we were all very small and out in public as a family, I remember people would point and smile at my adorable cousin, who stood out like a bright sunflower in our dark haired clan.

Lily may be just as conspicuous in public with her new parents as she grows up. I don't know how difficult or easy it will be for her or her parents. Either way, I admire them for making this lifelong commitment as a family. And I would feel that way if Lily had been white, Asian, or any other ethnicity.

If Lily is ever made to feel singled out for having white parents as she grows up, I hope she will first feel how loved she is before that ever happens. I hope she will be aware of, from an early age, how wanted she is by her mother and father.
As a family member, I hope I can help my cousin reinforce those feelings in Lily of being loved and wanted.

I know my cousin and her husband feel fortunate that they are now parents. I feel lucky that I will get to see this beautiful, loved and wanted baby girl grow up.

Coupon Queen

Vons can bite my butt. They took away my double coupons. I know the past year was a tough one, economically, for everyone. And I'm sure most companies had to tighten their belts where they could, including supermarket chains. But my coupons now have the same value elsewhere.

So, I started going elsewhere. I now grocery shop at Stater Brothers.

Vons did me a favor. Several items that I buy on a weekly basis are cheaper at Stater Brothers than they are at Vons, such as the MorningStar frozen veggie products. And every week, too. I don't have to wait for items to go on sale. Juicy Juice is cheaper there, and so is Don Francisco's coffee!

Vons can bite my butt, again, and then use its teeth to scrape off any crusty residue from my cheeks and save it as snack for later. Or they can plastic wrap it in their deli and resell it at a jacked-up, non-double-coupon price - those bastards!

Not that I'm bitter . . . well, not as much as I used to be.

The coupons I used at Stater Brothers this morning saved me almost five dollars. I went to Fresh & Easy after that and redeemed a six dollar coupon there after spending the required minimum of $30.00. I had a 10%-off-entire-purchase coupon for Petco, where I saved an additional eight dollars on kibble, canned dog food, soft & chewy dog treats, and hamster bedding.

For dinner tonight, Domestic Partner and I went to Marie Callender's because we had a dinner coupon - buy one dinner entree and get a second entree of equal or lesser value for free (when you also buy two beverages).

That's a total savings of almost thirty dollars in one weekend's shopping (for two people and assorted animals).

This afternoon, on facebook, a friend told me about thegrocerygame.com and a second friend confirmed it.

Take that, you blasted economy! You too, Vons.

Personal Perfection

About twenty years ago, I came out to my parents and the world did not cave in. But I did start seeing a Christian therapist at Pacific Christian College shortly after that. During our discussions about the conflict of homosexuality and Christianity, he pointed out that I had 'perfectionist tendencies.'

What? Me? Hell no. I mean, no way!

I had dropped out of UCLA at the end of my freshman year. I was working at Disneyland and going to dance class at night. If I were truly a perfectionist, I would be able to stay in school and work and take dance class regularly.

I had thought.

The therapist used my messy bedroom as an example. I had told him that I can't truly clean my bedroom unless I have a block of at least seven hours to do it completely.

That example has stayed in my mind for the past two decades. It's helped me to realize that, for any overwhelming project, sometimes it is enough to just do a little bit each day. Not that my bedroom stayed consistently clean after that, not until I met neat-nik Domestic Partner, anyway. And not that he would agree, that I am clean enough.

What is enough? I still struggle today with feeling that I fall short of my own perfectionist ideals. If I were perfect, I would have both time and energy to exercise everyday. Ideally, I would blog every day and also write a little bit more of the first novel every day. In a perfect world, I would exercise and write on top of going to work for that paycheck thang and spend time with friends and family, and still feel that I was giving enough time and attention to Domestic Partner and the various pets and the house cleaning.

If I were truly perfect, I would be able to volunteer and join Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America, and be a reading tutor, and take on more choreography projects, etc.

In a perfect world, I would sleep fewer hours and get more accomplished.

My life is not complicated. I do not feel overwhelmed. Lately, though, it has been easier to just channel surf from the couch and consume even more vast quantities of chocolate. Oh, and log onto facebook several times a day.

I am beyond glad that President Obama has been inaugurated. Finally. And I am inspired by his election into office. What I need is yet another swift kick in the pants. But for now, I am relishing the feeling of renewed commitment President Obama has been giving the public.

I actually like feeling that I am ready to roll up my sleeves and get to work.

What is your personal perfection?