My First Prostitute

I have never actually had sex with a prostitute. No, really. But it wasn't until right before my thirtieth birthday that I was approached by my very first prostitute.

I was in Japan at the time, right at the end of my first contract for the Ocean Dome theme park. Some of the American performers decided to go out for a last night of karaoke and drinking in the small town of Miyazaki, before our time together came to an end.

The streets weren't crowded that night, but there were quite a few locals out, as well. A middle-aged Japanese woman called out to me.

"Oi-deh, oi-deh, wakai-ko!"

Loosely translated, it means, "Over here, over here, little youth."

Really? You thought I was young? Thank you! On the brink of thirty, I was quite flattered.

She looked like she was in her forties. Why did her advanced age make me think of my mom? I didn't want to encourage her, but neither did I want to come off as rude. I deliberately answered in English, in as polite a tone as possible.

"No. No thank you," I said, smiling and shaking my head.

A few years before that, I had gotten some of the best advice from Johnny. Johnny was from Nassau, Bahamas. He was the boys' line captain in the show we did on the island of Guam.

"If you're ever approached by a prostitute," he said, "and you're not interested, just tell her, 'Baby, I just got done.' She'll leave you alone."

I think it's some of the best damned advice ever given to me, although I have never had the opportunity to apply it, even in Miyazaki. I didn't really know the Japanese for that.