Monday, January 17, 2011
Wanting to Do It All - or Not at All?
I don't make New Year's resolutions anymore. I focus on my goals and redefine them, and each January I will recommit to them as needed. I was all set to refigure my realistic and balanced moderation of working out, performing in musical theater, and jumping into a Masters of Fine Arts program, all while keeping my full time job (and blogging!). And my relationship. That was three weeks ago.
Nuthin' like an unexpected bout of food poisoning to knock you off your butt and out of your current plans. It's as if I had dry-heaved my resolve along with whatever else my body was trying to rid itself of.
What if I didn't exercise? What if I didn't work on my writing goals? What if I put my performing desires on hold once again . . . indefinitely?
My fear, during these past two weeks, has been that I'll become complacent and content with merely going to work and then going home to eat a meal and watch some TV before going to sleep.
Day in and day out.
There is nothing wrong with that (and I excel in the Art of Doing Nothing), but I wouldn't want my life to be defined simply by my job, currently or in the future. There is a self-imposed pressure to do something with my life, to make my mark, and I am happy to succumb to that pressure.
What would be the alternative? What would be wrong with simply working for a paycheck only, for the rest of my life? What if my Singular Focus was to work merely for the sake of paying off debt and then saving for retirement - and nothing else?
I know myself well enough to realize that I would not be content with that. It would feel too much like giving up, in general. But for now, I need to pick and choose.
I am supposed to be working on a musical theater workshop assignment right now, instead of blogging. In preparation for our next live cabaret performance (and I will alert you about the upcoming show - this time!) we are rewriting lyrics for songs from actual musicals. Our lyric adaptations are to reflect our current lives. Like many recording artists, the rewritten song words are to tell the stories of what we are experiencing and going through.
My life is not hard, not right now, so there is nothing too dramatic to tell in musical verse. It was an obvious song choice for me, though, to rewrite the lyrics for "I Want it All" from the musical "Baby" (no, not the one from "High School Musical," . . . Prince). Here is the current draft, so far:
I WANT IT ALL! I WANT IT ALL!
I WANT TO FIND A WAY TO STAY IN SHAPE AND DANCE – STAY ON THE BALL!
I’M PAST MY PRIME BUT I AM STILL IN DENIAL
BECOMING OLDER ISN’T ALWAYS SO VILE
I WANT TO KNOW THAT I CAN FIND INSIDE ME SOMEONE WHO STILL CAN
I WANNA BE LIKE JOHNNY DEPP AND LIKE JET LI AND JACKIE CHAN
I AM NOT YOUR AVERAGE ORDINARY AGE-DEFYING MAN
I WANT IT ALL! I WANT TO DO IT ALL!
I WANT TO KEEP MY FULL TIME DAY JOB AND DANCE AT NIGHT – I WANT IT ALL!
DON’T TRY TO TELL ME THAT I’M TOO OLD TO DANCE NOW
IT WILL BE YEARS BEFORE I’M TAKING MY LAST BOW
I WANNA KNOW THAT THERE IS TIME FOR ME TO STILL REACH ALL MY GOALS
I WANNA BE AN ACTOR-SINGER-DANCER CAST IN LEADING ROLES
AND I’LL WORK MY ASS OFF IN THE GYM SO I LOOK GOOD ON STAGE
I DON’T CARE ABOUT APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR FOR MY AGE - I’LL DO IT ALL!
I WANT IT ALL!
Like I said, my life is not difficult. It's pretty worry-free and even drama-free, for the most part. I'm just glad that Domestic Partner and I are not overwhelmed with the desire to adopt kids and raise a family. I can only imagine what that would be like, sheesh!