It's hitting me again, that old and familiar urge to perform, the drive to find some musical theater show or project in which I can sing and dance. And no small surprise, either, with the weekly indulgence of "Glee" episodes, and the daily playing of the "Glee" CD's.
But it's not just the young people on TV (I'm old enough to be their father, some of them). I'm also wonderfully influenced by seeing so much live entertainment lately - shows featuring friends my age. I'm both happy for my friends, enjoying their performances, and jealous of them, too, wanting to be up on stage with them in "Miss Saigon" and in "Chicago."
It's hard for me to relegate musical theater to just being a spectator sport.
Last weekend, I went to see a show choir called "Live it Up!" perform in Palm Springs. It was my third time being in their audience. It was also the third chance I had passed up to be part of the performance. The director/choreographer is a friend and former coworker. Since starting this group, he had been asking me to join rehearsals and performances. He is usually short a male performer or two and is often on stage himself.
My director friend had tried to give up performing completely, as well, becoming a bona fide adult and successful realtor. But he could only abstain for so long (he is insanely talented and I was a little disappointed when I heard he had stopped). He is forty, now, and he looked great under the lights (sans makeup, even)!
So, what's stopping me?
It is difficult for Domestic Partner to become the Performer's Widower when I get busy at night with rehearsals and performances. Now and then, I can find the right show that is short term and close to home. It doesn't happen often.
But enough is enough. I told Domestic Partner that I will be looking for a show to get into, especially if it's a paid gig. I argued that the extra money will help me to reach my short term financial goals more efficiently, which would get me closer to reaching our long term financial goals for retirement.
He wasn't happy about it, but he said he wouldn't stop me. It's not as if I'm going out of town again, to sing on a cruise ship or dance in Japan (I keep trying to justify - if only to myself).
I'd like to say that the urge to continue performing means that I am called to sing and dance. But, honestly, I don't think it's that profound. It's just something that I truly enjoy doing, and I miss it. Performing live on stage is definitely among the times when I am happiest.
Maybe this latest desire to dance and sing again is not so much a calling as it is just another midlife crisis, my eighth one, I think, at the rate I've been going.
Did'ja see "Glee" this week? Did'ja catch that old balding guy dancing to "Safety Dance" among all the young performers inside the mall? What little hair he had was gray, and he was fat.
And he could move. That could be me!
4 comments:
It's totally a calling. Make Domestic Partner watch the Neil Patrick Harris episode of Glee and tell him, "You don't want me to end up all angsty like NPH, do you?"
I can relate on a different level. When I get into the haunting jag, I'm MIA because I'm working on props and Mrs. Macabre gets jealous for my time. But, like you, it makes me happy. I'm happiest when I'm creating, inventing and haunting; it's a show, a performance, theatre if not just for a couple of nights a year. I would say that you have to do what makes you happy or you might get resentful. It sounds like you have a good idea on balance in your life.
And there's nothing wrong with a mid life crisis or two, I believe that it shakes us up out of complacency.
Cheryl has wise words, Peter. Just do it, only every once in a while, and only enough to get the urges out. LOL! Man, I'd love to see you again someday. :)
Peter, I know how you feel. The stage has been calling me also. Do this, even if it means singing on the street corner. You gotta.
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