Monday, June 2, 2008

Green-Eyed Monsters

I must have seen every episode of "Will & Grace" at least half a dozen times, each, and I'm still not tired of the show.
This morning, Lifetime Channel for Women was showing the one where Lorraine Finster (Minnie Driver) tries to take over Karen's mansion, money, and even her best friend Jack. Jack makes a half-assed attempt to stay loyal to Karen, but is caught puppy-dog-like between the two women. It's funny to see Karen become fiercely possessive of Jack because I've experienced that in my own life a little.

"You're ours," the senior rep, Miss Cee, reminds me at work whenever I am the least bit chummy with any new female employees. I feel lucky that I was able to fit in with the Alpha Beotches, as I've dubbed our little, tight-knit, gossipy office clique. It's a major part of why I like my job so much. But there was no mistaking the genuine jealousy underneath the light, joking tone Miss Cee was forcing herself to assume. She was not playing.

I will be the first to admit that often, life is not fair in my favor. A significant part of this favoring unfairness is due to the mere fact that I am a guy. I realized years ago that many women who are as nice as can be--to me--are also uh, "very unpleasant to be around" shall we say, to other women. Compound the reason for the consistent, considerate treatment I get from my gal pals with the fact that I truly adore women but do not actually lust after them. "Sex and the City" was tailor made for the Wills of the world like me.

I wish it didn't have to be so inherently negative, though, this gal-on-gal crime. Passive-aggressive me wishes that we could all just frickin' get along without any jealousy or competitiveness. Assy-regressive me wonders why we can't all just be friends. This specific conflict, though, has been very minimal in my own life. One of my closest friends had a longtime gal pal that was just pure evil in her behavior towards his wife when they first got engaged. And this was at their church. This was after the fact that the former gal pal had already snagged a husband herself.

I realize that we must be careful what we wish for. If we didn't have any Alpha Beotch jealousy and competition, then we would have never enjoyed the delicious bitch fest of such films as "Heathers," "Jawbreaker," and "Mean Girls."

I laugh every time when Rachel McAdams, Alpha Beotch in "Mean Girls," says to the Gamma Beotch over the phone, "Boo, you bitch."


Sunshine said...

I've had my own Wills and Jacks, my "other" Peter is kind of a hybrid of the two. Slightly more Jack though.

Are you the token gay guy in the office? The bitches will be fighting over you forever!!

Yes, it's nice to be the one everyone fights over, right??? :)

I'd kick all their asses those, I'm the biggest non-fictional Grace there is. My first one-sided college crush turned out to be a Will, and we did a play together and were friends after that.

OMG, this is the longest comment ever, I'm such a loser.

Quin Browne said...

women scare me.

and i am one.

Peter Varvel said...

Ha ha! You're not a loser--we are all just wonderfully codependent in our mutual, desperate, pathetic need for attention. Why do you think so many of us were actors/performers?

I'm always quoting a line from Roseanne, when her frustrated husband wants to know why she didn't tell him that her boss was gay:
"What does it matter? You're all pigs, anyway!"